it's so simple and complicated the way you can judge me

so things are starting to wind down right before winding up again. next week is dead week and the following week is exams.

i had to write a paper for a class about a church. i choose my home church. in talking to my pastor and my father i realized that i love Austinville CRC. i cannot wait to get back there. there is something about the way german people bellow out the hymns that just cannot match anything in sioux center. i also never realized how close everyone actually is in Austinville. i miss it.

i have been listening to a band called oh, sleeper. i am in love with their lyrics. one song in particular has really hit me hard. the song is called we are the archers and it is about struggles with Christianity. the song is about how a guy is struggling and everyone around him is falling to their struggles. at the end he realizes that he is being backed by a large group of archers ready for battle. i love this imagery. i have been thinking about this for a while now.

i just got done trying out for the spring play "dead man walking". it is about a man on death row and a nun who visits him. it will be a heavy show, but i think it will be a good acting experience if i get cast. i hope i get cast.

sometimes at dordt i feel like i am being judged by people. just because i am a youth ministry major that must mean that i have to have this unachievable squeaky clean image. i may be completely off on this but i feel like i'm constantly being watched because i hang out with people who smoke or aren't afraid to speak their mind. i do realize that i am not a perfect person and i probably do a lot of things that are not good to do, but i don't think this will hinder me should i become a youth pastor. we have been talking a lot in classes about how if you want to engage youth you have to enter into their suffering. if you march in there and hit them with a Bible and a bunch of verses about morality they are going to turn you of the second you speak. i don't want to hang out with the happy fun super Christian crew because i don't fit in with them. again it comes back to my fear that i will become the stereotypical youth pastor that only wants to tell kids how to be better Christians. i'm afraid of that, i want to talk to these kids engage them and when i feel comfortable tell them about Christ.

that was a blog.