don't you ever get lonely.

spring break has come and gone.
i went to seattle and everywhere inbetween with some good friends. twas a much needed break from normal iowa life.
i saw a concert in seattle and it was fantastic for many reasons. it was an all around great show the bands that performed were say anything, manchester orchestra, biffy clyro, and weatherbox. this show was also monumental becuase it was the first show i was able to enjoy an adult beverage. i only had one for those who wanted to judge me. while all the bands were good manchester orchestra's set stayed with me. their lyrics are very spiritual and seeing them live was incredible. i felt like i was worshiping while listening to them play live. they ended their set with a song called where have you been. the recorded version of the song ends with the lead singer repeating "God, where have you been." when they played it live they did repeat this at the end, but when the song finished the lead singer continued to sing. i wish i could remember exactly what he said but it was something about being dead and being brought to life. it brought a fantastic resolution to the song and to their set. i loved it.

but my spring break is now a memory and it is now time to face the reality that the rest of this semester is going to fly.

i could use a vacation, my eyes are bored

dead man walking is done.
the heaviness of the show finally hit me in the last 3 productions. i spent so much time thinking about the play being about the death penalty because that was the issue that everyone wanted to talk about. i realized that my character showed hope and forgiveness at the end of the show, but the importance of forgiveness never touched me. it took me till the last few performances to realize that my character was embodying forgiveness. i played a man who had his son taken from him, but is willing to forgive his sons killer. while it probably didn't show on stage, this made a huge difference in the way i felt inside while performing.
the final night we received our first standing ovation.
it was a flood of emotions. for some reason that performance greatly effected me. i can't say exactly what happened.
once i saw everyone standing i began to cry. i have never cried during a curtain call.
it is so hard for me to describe what happened.
the whole cast went out to shake hands and hug, many of us had tears in our eyes. if you were to ask anyone in the cast what made that performance so emotional i don't think anyone could tell you.

theatre is powerful.

tonight i found out that i was nominated to participate in the irene ryan competition at actf. for those who don't understand, for each major production that dordt puts on 3 actors out of the cast get the to go to actf to participate in a acting competition. i am incredibly honored.

i'm tired.
spring break is just around the corner. plans to go to seattle are being finalized.
i am ever so excited.

for the record i'm tired, i've been running for days

i am sitting in front of my computer in the dark. the roommates are asleep and i just plain don't feel like going to bed yet. dead man walking opened tonight. i should get some rest and prepare for another long day tomorrow, but i don't want to. there are some nights when i am blessed with the ability to think clearly. tonight isn't one of those nights, but the previous three nights were. for some reason i was on sensory overload. lately i have been trying to listen so closely to God's calling that it is almost driving me crazy. i try to find symbolism behind everything. anything i see, hear, think, smell could be a sign from God. i take everything and try to overanalyze it trying to figure out exactly what i need to learn. i feel like this is a good exercise, trying to find God in everything, but i guess lately i haven't been able to make sense of what i have been perceiving as signs. it is really getting frustrating. again this basically comes down to me not trusting God's time for my life. i not allowing God to work in the way he wants to, i am trying to make him talk to me and tell me what i want to hear. this is where the problem starts i interpret everything as God telling me what i want to hear.

i needed to type that.

tx was saturday. the benedict affair dominated it.
for those who were not present here is a video from the event.


enjoy friends.

we are, we just battle ourselves

tba and ojk did in fact play a dordt show on saturdays eve.
it was so neat playing with ojk again. we sounded good.
playing with tba is also so fantastic.
being in both bands is awesome in different ways.
i like being in ojk because i have a lot of control over the sound. i have written large chunks of many of the songs and the boys came in behind my ideas and made them sound killer. i love playing songs that i wrote that remind me of how i was feeling when i wrote them.
playing with tba i basically just write lead parts to go along with the songs. i don't have as much creative control, but performing with tba is incredible. i just feel completely happy the whole time.
again playing in both bands rules.
do not even try to make me pick a favorite.

a group of improvisers called 88improv performed at dordt saturday before the show. they did long form improv which basically means they improvised a 45 minute play. it had a clear beginning rising action climax and ending. basically it was incredible. i was inspired to take my improvising more seriously.

i love going to wellspring. for those who aren't familiar it is basically a time of guided meditation. i realized that for me meeting with God is when i am being very intentional with my thoughts. so many times i just blow through the day and not take the time to process what i actually thought. when i take time to stop and process and be intentional with what i am thinking i feel more receptive to God's plan for my life.

i've seen the best and worst of you

i have this constant problem when i sit down to blog.
i can never remember how much information i offered the last time i wrote.
perhaps the solution to this problem is to blog more frequently.

tx is rapidly approaching which means i will be busy. i have to run sound for auditions tonight from 6 till whenever sac decides to release me from their torturous grip.
there is a strong chance tba and ojk will be playing a dordt show this weekend. if you read this and are not involved in either of those bands i urge you to come and revel in good music. dordt has several extremely talented bands, but for some reason it is impossible to get people to come out and enjoy it.

friday night jeremiah and i went to see as i lay dying, august burns red, and evergreen terrace play a heavy metal show. great success! heavy shows rule so so much. regardless of what musical styling you prefer (unless you trace every musical style back to bob dylan) should go to at least one hardcore show before death. august burns red is currently blasting through my speakers and i am loving it. they put on one the most intense sets i have ever seen in my life.

for my discernment for ministry class we had to work on a "worship practice". i decided as my worship practice that i would simply sit down and play guitar. i frequently dink around on the guitar while i'm checking my email and such things, but i don't really take the time to enjoy it. i have found a time in the day when all the roomates are gone and it proves to be very relaxing.

this is where you come in, i know that i can count on you to walk me through

i just got back from the american college theatre festival.
what a fantastic time.
i saw a bunch of shows a bunch of good actors and left remembering why i love theatre and feeling inadequate as an actor.
hanging out was also delightful.
there were a few times where every time anyone around me opened their mouth comedic gold spewed forth. i love it when people are funny.
missing a week of schooling does have it's downfalls.
currently i am attempting to play catch up, but thus far it is not successful.
i really want to play a rock show with ojk and tba.
for some reason neither band has been blessed with the opportunity to rock in front of people.
i realized while on the trip that getting shocked might make me more angry than anything else in this world.
whenever i get shocked for 1/4 of a second i think i am angry enough to kill a something. this passes very quickly and i get back to normal in no time but for that brief moment i get so so angry.
it was a great revelation.
here is the lesson in this. never electrocute me because i might hurt something.

alone i can barely light a match but together we can burn this place down

this is my first post of the new year.
if i could sum up my break in one word it would probably be lazy.
my days have basically consisted of sleeping playing guitar and getting our old home movies transfered to dvd.
that's right i have been occasionally watching some classic home movies. they are pretty entertaining. i decided while watching these home movies that i was pretty dumb as a kid. i think pretty much up until high school i was pretty awkward.
i have been working on playing solos on guitar.
i wrote a few new acoustic songs that will probably never be heard by anyone.
my fingers are starting to move a little faster but i am still not terribly skilled.
i don't make new years resolutions.
i forget them immediately after i say them.
ok i just thought of a resolution: do things that are good to do.
that is something to shoot for.
i am listening to a band called for year strong. if you are reading this and have agreed with me on other musical choices go and listen to this band without hesitation. don't finish reading this, go listen to four year strong.


what did you think? did you like them? i fell in love the second the first note of heroes get remembered, legends never die.
i go back home tomorrow and i don't really want to.
i will have play rehearsals and those should be fun because i like everyone in the cast of the play. also for some reason being at dordt during breaks is very relaxing to me.