i want to stay inside for good

that title isn't true at all.
the weather seems like it is going to start getting nice and stay that way.
i love it when the temperature is around 50 degrees. pants and sweatshirt weather.

this is the official dead week blog.
in semesters past i have blogged about how dead week is far from dead and how i have so much to do.
this remains true of this dead week.
i believe last time i checked i have 4 papers due on friday. yes!

the benedict affair is recording shortly after the school year ends. very exciting.

i have stated before that some of the most relaxing times for me have come when i am on dordt's campus with no homework or anything pressing to do. i kindof hope that is what this summer will be.

i believe i have found a church to work with next fall. chances are i am going to be teaming up with another dordt student to help rebuild a youth program in a church in george iowa. hopefully that pans out. i feel like i have the knowledge to go into youth ministry, but i am considering a different path. for one of my classes we had to take a bunch of quizzes about spiritual gifts and what not. on every single one i scored high in some form of arts and low in interpersonal skills. i think the low score in interpersonal skills came from me being hard on myself. however this is causing me to consider looking for some sort of arts in worship position. i have no idea what that looks like, but apparently these jobs exist. who knows what will happen.

time for night class.

through all this chaos we found safety.

my junior year is rapidly coming to a close.
here's a quick rundown for those who haven't heard from me in a while
1. i'm still single and currently not sure how i feel about that
2. i'm worried about the future and not sure how i feel about it
3. i'm currently not sure if i should be going into youth ministry

basically i'm not sure about a lot of things.
the last few weeks have kind of slapped me in the face. it feels like i have been zoning out for about a month and i am finally starting to realize i may have wasted a bunch of valuable time on nothing.

many projects are due soon.

i am excited for this summer. cool people are staying around. i am going to be working in dordt's chapel and tearing the place apart making sense of all the lights and sound.

i will start blogging more because it is relaxing in a weird way.

don't you ever get lonely.

spring break has come and gone.
i went to seattle and everywhere inbetween with some good friends. twas a much needed break from normal iowa life.
i saw a concert in seattle and it was fantastic for many reasons. it was an all around great show the bands that performed were say anything, manchester orchestra, biffy clyro, and weatherbox. this show was also monumental becuase it was the first show i was able to enjoy an adult beverage. i only had one for those who wanted to judge me. while all the bands were good manchester orchestra's set stayed with me. their lyrics are very spiritual and seeing them live was incredible. i felt like i was worshiping while listening to them play live. they ended their set with a song called where have you been. the recorded version of the song ends with the lead singer repeating "God, where have you been." when they played it live they did repeat this at the end, but when the song finished the lead singer continued to sing. i wish i could remember exactly what he said but it was something about being dead and being brought to life. it brought a fantastic resolution to the song and to their set. i loved it.

but my spring break is now a memory and it is now time to face the reality that the rest of this semester is going to fly.

i could use a vacation, my eyes are bored

dead man walking is done.
the heaviness of the show finally hit me in the last 3 productions. i spent so much time thinking about the play being about the death penalty because that was the issue that everyone wanted to talk about. i realized that my character showed hope and forgiveness at the end of the show, but the importance of forgiveness never touched me. it took me till the last few performances to realize that my character was embodying forgiveness. i played a man who had his son taken from him, but is willing to forgive his sons killer. while it probably didn't show on stage, this made a huge difference in the way i felt inside while performing.
the final night we received our first standing ovation.
it was a flood of emotions. for some reason that performance greatly effected me. i can't say exactly what happened.
once i saw everyone standing i began to cry. i have never cried during a curtain call.
it is so hard for me to describe what happened.
the whole cast went out to shake hands and hug, many of us had tears in our eyes. if you were to ask anyone in the cast what made that performance so emotional i don't think anyone could tell you.

theatre is powerful.

tonight i found out that i was nominated to participate in the irene ryan competition at actf. for those who don't understand, for each major production that dordt puts on 3 actors out of the cast get the to go to actf to participate in a acting competition. i am incredibly honored.

i'm tired.
spring break is just around the corner. plans to go to seattle are being finalized.
i am ever so excited.

for the record i'm tired, i've been running for days

i am sitting in front of my computer in the dark. the roommates are asleep and i just plain don't feel like going to bed yet. dead man walking opened tonight. i should get some rest and prepare for another long day tomorrow, but i don't want to. there are some nights when i am blessed with the ability to think clearly. tonight isn't one of those nights, but the previous three nights were. for some reason i was on sensory overload. lately i have been trying to listen so closely to God's calling that it is almost driving me crazy. i try to find symbolism behind everything. anything i see, hear, think, smell could be a sign from God. i take everything and try to overanalyze it trying to figure out exactly what i need to learn. i feel like this is a good exercise, trying to find God in everything, but i guess lately i haven't been able to make sense of what i have been perceiving as signs. it is really getting frustrating. again this basically comes down to me not trusting God's time for my life. i not allowing God to work in the way he wants to, i am trying to make him talk to me and tell me what i want to hear. this is where the problem starts i interpret everything as God telling me what i want to hear.

i needed to type that.

tx was saturday. the benedict affair dominated it.
for those who were not present here is a video from the event.


enjoy friends.

we are, we just battle ourselves

tba and ojk did in fact play a dordt show on saturdays eve.
it was so neat playing with ojk again. we sounded good.
playing with tba is also so fantastic.
being in both bands is awesome in different ways.
i like being in ojk because i have a lot of control over the sound. i have written large chunks of many of the songs and the boys came in behind my ideas and made them sound killer. i love playing songs that i wrote that remind me of how i was feeling when i wrote them.
playing with tba i basically just write lead parts to go along with the songs. i don't have as much creative control, but performing with tba is incredible. i just feel completely happy the whole time.
again playing in both bands rules.
do not even try to make me pick a favorite.

a group of improvisers called 88improv performed at dordt saturday before the show. they did long form improv which basically means they improvised a 45 minute play. it had a clear beginning rising action climax and ending. basically it was incredible. i was inspired to take my improvising more seriously.

i love going to wellspring. for those who aren't familiar it is basically a time of guided meditation. i realized that for me meeting with God is when i am being very intentional with my thoughts. so many times i just blow through the day and not take the time to process what i actually thought. when i take time to stop and process and be intentional with what i am thinking i feel more receptive to God's plan for my life.

i've seen the best and worst of you

i have this constant problem when i sit down to blog.
i can never remember how much information i offered the last time i wrote.
perhaps the solution to this problem is to blog more frequently.

tx is rapidly approaching which means i will be busy. i have to run sound for auditions tonight from 6 till whenever sac decides to release me from their torturous grip.
there is a strong chance tba and ojk will be playing a dordt show this weekend. if you read this and are not involved in either of those bands i urge you to come and revel in good music. dordt has several extremely talented bands, but for some reason it is impossible to get people to come out and enjoy it.

friday night jeremiah and i went to see as i lay dying, august burns red, and evergreen terrace play a heavy metal show. great success! heavy shows rule so so much. regardless of what musical styling you prefer (unless you trace every musical style back to bob dylan) should go to at least one hardcore show before death. august burns red is currently blasting through my speakers and i am loving it. they put on one the most intense sets i have ever seen in my life.

for my discernment for ministry class we had to work on a "worship practice". i decided as my worship practice that i would simply sit down and play guitar. i frequently dink around on the guitar while i'm checking my email and such things, but i don't really take the time to enjoy it. i have found a time in the day when all the roomates are gone and it proves to be very relaxing.