manna is a hell of a drug.

apparently i only posted a title for this blog.
i wrote a fairly extensive blog but apparently i did something wrong.
my mistake.

i will have to try to recreate the blog that i apparently didn't type.

first i would like to review urinetown with you. the show went incredibly well and i think it is safe to say that it was the most fun show i have ever been a part of. audiences were fantastic and did not condemn us for poorly titled show. to add to the greatness that was urinetown, we got held. this means that there is a chance we will be able to perform our show at the american college theatre festival region 5. getting held is a huge honor. for a while now i have had a short checklist of things that i have wanted to do in theatre
1. receive an irene ryan nomination (check previous blogs for an explanation). check
2. be in a show that gets held. check

the benedict affair is writing new songs.

this was not in the original post that did not get posted, but i will digress.

last night i saw the following bands in this order lights, lydia, lovedrug, copeland.
i love lydia's music and i love live music. the combination of these two things was very exciting for me. sparing you the reader too much boring detail, it was a fantastic show all the way around.

now i will return to the original subject of the elusive post that did not get posted.
i discussed the title that i have given this blog. it comes from the song "i can feel a hot one" by manchester orchestra. for some reason this quote struck me. i have no idea what the author's original intent was when he wrote this, but i began to think about the israelites and how manna was their only food for a fairly long time. manna became part of the routine. i then began to think about routine moments and how these routine moments are what keep me sane and keep me going. i am a creature of habit and i have certain rhythms that i go through everyday. to me this quote means that God provides some of the most normal routine events to keep us going. that may or may not make sense to you, but i loved this lyric.

we're at the top of the world

it is in the dordt theatre world what we call production week. the play opens tomorrow and i can safely say i am excited. everything is coming together very nicely and we have one more dress rehearsal tonight to polish the small mistakes.
doing a play like urinetown serves as a good reminder of what it is like to be in a conservative Christian community. people in the community got bent out of shape about the title right away. the show is a very fun and entertaining show, but because of this backlash the dordt theatre department has had to rationalize doing a show like this. for me this just serves as a reminder of what it will be like to work in the church. there are always going to be people who are easily offended. to me when working in the church it isn't a question of agreeing and disagreeing, it is understanding each other's position. i feel like as a future youth pastor/church employee/ whatever trying to have an understanding for all sides of an issue will be very important. good or bad that is just how it is and that is one thing i'm taking away from this show.

my internship is going very well. i was pretty on edge about the first meeting. i decided for the first lesson that i was going to give my testimony so that the youths would learn about me and my past as a Christian. i wasn't sure if i this was a good idea till i sat down in church that evening. the title of the sermon was testimony. i was immediately calm and thankful for God's constant reminders that he is helping me out.

when we last talked i had started to skateboard again. i have not done any major damage to my body. a few rasberries (scrapes) and fruit baskets (bruises) but nothing to terrible.

i have been cast in a full length movie that some dordt students are putting together. i apparently am a hitch hiker. more on that as it becomes available.

all in all things are pretty good right now.

your words hit like a train and i can't ignore it

hello readers.
out of fairness to you all i have decided to post a blog.
the semester is a little busier than it seemed earlier. the play, classes, and various other activities are robing me of my free time. it's not too terrible because i am enjoying all of my classes. currently my favorite class would have to be calvin's institutes. it is pretty incredible to think that one man spent his whole life studying Christianity and was able to write such an incredible reflection on his studies.
i continue to become interested in new things. have become obsessed with skateboarding again. i purchased a board and me and a few roomates went out and did some extreme stunts.

this is a photo of me doing a lovely board slide.
tonight is my the first actual youth group meeting for my internship. it is weird because i'm not really nervous i'm just straight up scared. this intership is going to have a heavy impact on my future. if i hate it i probably will want to consider pursuing a new field. i'm sure that God will have his hand with me and i won't hate it.
the play is going well. tristate break is next week and i will be staying at dordt to work on the show. it should be a good time.
i certainly do miss some dear friends who are no longer at dordt. please come back and visit friends.

here is a picture of nick doing a sick trick and kenny watching in amazement.

skate or die bros.

all fallen leaves should curse their branches.

i have again failed to blog for a long time.
if you read this in an attempt to keep up with my life there is going to be a big chunk missing because i don't feel like trying to creatively express the last month or 2.
i will go over one important note with you:
the benedict affair's new cd "with more class" is now available and if you wish to acquire a copy contact me.
if you wish to hear some tracks there should be a link to your right.
classes have resumed and dordt is buzzing with life. initially i was slightly unenthused with the return of friends. i guess i got so used to having the campus to myself that it was weird seeing people here again.

i like to give myself a few goals at the beginning of the semester knowing full well they might not happen.
1. plan future. i can't really postpone accomplishing this one.
2. serve Covenant church to the best of my ability. i have an internship there and it will be my first hands on youth ministry experience.
3. work on writing songs. i have realized that i never finish songs because i try to make too much of them. i always try to use the strangest chords and the deepest words. i'm going to write simple songs. we'll see how that turns out.

lately i have been listening to a lot of david bazan and bon iver.
if you would have asked me a few years ago if i ever would have enjoyed this music i would have laughed in your face.
i guess this means i'm getting older.

we're just stumbling

ojk is pretty much officially done.

phil has departed for the west and we all made an agreement that the band would end if any one member left.
we were able to have one last throwdown to properly lay our songs to rest.
it was in a way bitter sweet.
ojk was my first "official" band. playing with paul, phil, and walhof helped me unlock the potential in my guitar playing and song writing ability. but ojk was more than that. we all became good friends. good enough friends that we were all able to live together over 1 summer.
as we played our songs i was taken back to where i was as a person when each song was written. that is another strange thing about writing songs together. each song meant something different to each of us and that came out in the way we played our instrument or sang our vocal part on each song.
we were all able to have some time to reminisce about our experiences. it was hard to define exactly what happened between us, but we all agreed it was positive.
i thank God for operation joykill and the experience we were able to have together.

clear a path side to side

monday i went to the most intense/killer rock show i think i've ever been to.
the lineup went as follows:
as i lay dying
norma jean
august burns red
maylene and the sons of disaster.
anyone who knows anything about Christian metal bands would recognize that this line up is epic. these are probably the 4 biggest bands that fall into that category right now.
for those who care, read on for i will share my thoughts on each band.
those who don't care stop reading because there won't be much for you to gleen from this.
maylene and the sons of disaster: this is the third time i've seen this band. to be completely honest this is the worst performance i've seen from them. they recently lost several members, and it seems that their new members are very uncomfortable on stage. they are talented but they just kind of walk around and look confused. it was still a good set all things considered.
august burns red: i don't know what it is about this band. they are currently in my top 10 live bands. their performances contain all the elements i want to see in a live band. what are those elements? i'm not sure. go see august burns red and find out for yourself. they somehow perform just as hard as any band i've ever seen, but are still able to maintain tight musicianship. the lead singer exudes everything that is metal. whether he is down in the audiece screaming or throwing the mic to the crowd allowing them to pick up the vocals. they do things well.
norma jean: this is the first time i've seen this band. they are straight up brutal. their cds are very intense but listening to recordings of this band in no way does them justice. just plain brutal.
as i lay dying: these guys have been around for a while.they are a seasoned metal band and it shows in their performance. they put together a great mix of new and old songs. they are just plain epic.
i would go to this show 60 more times.
knowing that these bands were all Christian bands made it that much more enjoyable. typically with bands like this you have to endure a slew of cursing and uneeded banter between songs. these bands should be commended for maintaining their faith while making waves in the secular market.

i'm gonna do the things i want to do

i think i can now safely consider myself a real dordt student, and here is why:
friday evening my good friend dan den boer was married to his lovely fiance autumn wielinenga.
this makes me feel like an official dordt student for 2 reasons.
1. dan is the first of what i would consider good friends to get married.
2. i played a small role in the wedding. small: yes. important: kind of. i was the guest book attendant. basically i just pointed at things and smiled when people had questions. i felt good about the work i did.
i feel now that i have met these criteria i feel like i have participated in one more thing that your average dordt student will do before graduation. i believe one of the last ones to cross off would be to get married.
dan and autumn's wedding was a very feel good event. i think it is safe to say everyone walked away smiling and being extremely happy for both of them.

i am going into my senior year now. i'm trying to promise myself a few things:
1. i won't slack of.
2. i will enjoy it as much as possible.
3. i won't expect amazing things to happen and then get disappointed when they don't.
4. i will try to not participate in the senior scramble.
4a. if a relationship comes up organically i will be more than happy to pursue.
5. i want to play be in the musical.
6. i want to play as many shows with tba as possible.
7. i want to go to at least 2 concerts each semester.

i like the new weezer cd a lot.

take this sinking boat and point it home

this is one of those blogs where i just summarize everything that has happened since the last post which was almost a month ago.

-dordt has finished
-i said goodbye to a lot of dear dordt friends
-tba has finished recording our new cd. i release date will be named later
-i went home last weekend.
-my good friend casey kyhl has gone to the navy. it was a pretty sad goodbye because i won't see him in a long time
-parekersburg was obliterated by a tornado
-my job is pretty laid back and sweet.

that is a brief summary.
i have decided to expand upon the parkersburg thing. i have been in a great deal of close encounters with tornadoes but never have i seen a tornado cause this much damage in person. so many friends completely lost their homes. i have realized that seeing pictures or video on the news never will do something like this justice. when you are standing in the middle of a very familiar place and you aren't able to figure out where you are you realize how real these things can be.

on a lighter note i'm very pleased with the way the benedict affair's cd sounds. i cannot wait to release it.

i saw the movie once last night. everything about that movie is mediocre to bad but for some reason it is awesome. try to wrap your mind around that review of the movie

i guess this is growing up

so let me put a little disclaimer for those who read this and get concerned.
me blogging about not being sure about my future is my way of getting those thoughts out in the open. i'm not all sad about it and having a major breakdown. i realize that these struggles are normal and healthy. sometimes i think about things like not going into youth ministry, but i quickly dismiss the thought and don't take time to actually process these thoughts. blogging about my future for me is my way of getting things out in the open. so in that regard this is serving it's purpose.

i woke up this morning thinking about the next time i can sleep. i realized this is pathetic, but i love sleeping.

i am considering starting another blog for serious stuff. this one would be for mostly dumb things and me rationalizing how i spend my time.

finals are next week. finals are no fun because i need to find a balance between studying and trying to finish classes well and hanging out with people i won't see again for a long time. chances are i will slack off on the school work and hang out and do exciting things that i will tell my children about when i grow older.

i want to stay inside for good

that title isn't true at all.
the weather seems like it is going to start getting nice and stay that way.
i love it when the temperature is around 50 degrees. pants and sweatshirt weather.

this is the official dead week blog.
in semesters past i have blogged about how dead week is far from dead and how i have so much to do.
this remains true of this dead week.
i believe last time i checked i have 4 papers due on friday. yes!

the benedict affair is recording shortly after the school year ends. very exciting.

i have stated before that some of the most relaxing times for me have come when i am on dordt's campus with no homework or anything pressing to do. i kindof hope that is what this summer will be.

i believe i have found a church to work with next fall. chances are i am going to be teaming up with another dordt student to help rebuild a youth program in a church in george iowa. hopefully that pans out. i feel like i have the knowledge to go into youth ministry, but i am considering a different path. for one of my classes we had to take a bunch of quizzes about spiritual gifts and what not. on every single one i scored high in some form of arts and low in interpersonal skills. i think the low score in interpersonal skills came from me being hard on myself. however this is causing me to consider looking for some sort of arts in worship position. i have no idea what that looks like, but apparently these jobs exist. who knows what will happen.

time for night class.

through all this chaos we found safety.

my junior year is rapidly coming to a close.
here's a quick rundown for those who haven't heard from me in a while
1. i'm still single and currently not sure how i feel about that
2. i'm worried about the future and not sure how i feel about it
3. i'm currently not sure if i should be going into youth ministry

basically i'm not sure about a lot of things.
the last few weeks have kind of slapped me in the face. it feels like i have been zoning out for about a month and i am finally starting to realize i may have wasted a bunch of valuable time on nothing.

many projects are due soon.

i am excited for this summer. cool people are staying around. i am going to be working in dordt's chapel and tearing the place apart making sense of all the lights and sound.

i will start blogging more because it is relaxing in a weird way.

don't you ever get lonely.

spring break has come and gone.
i went to seattle and everywhere inbetween with some good friends. twas a much needed break from normal iowa life.
i saw a concert in seattle and it was fantastic for many reasons. it was an all around great show the bands that performed were say anything, manchester orchestra, biffy clyro, and weatherbox. this show was also monumental becuase it was the first show i was able to enjoy an adult beverage. i only had one for those who wanted to judge me. while all the bands were good manchester orchestra's set stayed with me. their lyrics are very spiritual and seeing them live was incredible. i felt like i was worshiping while listening to them play live. they ended their set with a song called where have you been. the recorded version of the song ends with the lead singer repeating "God, where have you been." when they played it live they did repeat this at the end, but when the song finished the lead singer continued to sing. i wish i could remember exactly what he said but it was something about being dead and being brought to life. it brought a fantastic resolution to the song and to their set. i loved it.

but my spring break is now a memory and it is now time to face the reality that the rest of this semester is going to fly.

i could use a vacation, my eyes are bored

dead man walking is done.
the heaviness of the show finally hit me in the last 3 productions. i spent so much time thinking about the play being about the death penalty because that was the issue that everyone wanted to talk about. i realized that my character showed hope and forgiveness at the end of the show, but the importance of forgiveness never touched me. it took me till the last few performances to realize that my character was embodying forgiveness. i played a man who had his son taken from him, but is willing to forgive his sons killer. while it probably didn't show on stage, this made a huge difference in the way i felt inside while performing.
the final night we received our first standing ovation.
it was a flood of emotions. for some reason that performance greatly effected me. i can't say exactly what happened.
once i saw everyone standing i began to cry. i have never cried during a curtain call.
it is so hard for me to describe what happened.
the whole cast went out to shake hands and hug, many of us had tears in our eyes. if you were to ask anyone in the cast what made that performance so emotional i don't think anyone could tell you.

theatre is powerful.

tonight i found out that i was nominated to participate in the irene ryan competition at actf. for those who don't understand, for each major production that dordt puts on 3 actors out of the cast get the to go to actf to participate in a acting competition. i am incredibly honored.

i'm tired.
spring break is just around the corner. plans to go to seattle are being finalized.
i am ever so excited.

for the record i'm tired, i've been running for days

i am sitting in front of my computer in the dark. the roommates are asleep and i just plain don't feel like going to bed yet. dead man walking opened tonight. i should get some rest and prepare for another long day tomorrow, but i don't want to. there are some nights when i am blessed with the ability to think clearly. tonight isn't one of those nights, but the previous three nights were. for some reason i was on sensory overload. lately i have been trying to listen so closely to God's calling that it is almost driving me crazy. i try to find symbolism behind everything. anything i see, hear, think, smell could be a sign from God. i take everything and try to overanalyze it trying to figure out exactly what i need to learn. i feel like this is a good exercise, trying to find God in everything, but i guess lately i haven't been able to make sense of what i have been perceiving as signs. it is really getting frustrating. again this basically comes down to me not trusting God's time for my life. i not allowing God to work in the way he wants to, i am trying to make him talk to me and tell me what i want to hear. this is where the problem starts i interpret everything as God telling me what i want to hear.

i needed to type that.

tx was saturday. the benedict affair dominated it.
for those who were not present here is a video from the event.


enjoy friends.

we are, we just battle ourselves

tba and ojk did in fact play a dordt show on saturdays eve.
it was so neat playing with ojk again. we sounded good.
playing with tba is also so fantastic.
being in both bands is awesome in different ways.
i like being in ojk because i have a lot of control over the sound. i have written large chunks of many of the songs and the boys came in behind my ideas and made them sound killer. i love playing songs that i wrote that remind me of how i was feeling when i wrote them.
playing with tba i basically just write lead parts to go along with the songs. i don't have as much creative control, but performing with tba is incredible. i just feel completely happy the whole time.
again playing in both bands rules.
do not even try to make me pick a favorite.

a group of improvisers called 88improv performed at dordt saturday before the show. they did long form improv which basically means they improvised a 45 minute play. it had a clear beginning rising action climax and ending. basically it was incredible. i was inspired to take my improvising more seriously.

i love going to wellspring. for those who aren't familiar it is basically a time of guided meditation. i realized that for me meeting with God is when i am being very intentional with my thoughts. so many times i just blow through the day and not take the time to process what i actually thought. when i take time to stop and process and be intentional with what i am thinking i feel more receptive to God's plan for my life.

i've seen the best and worst of you

i have this constant problem when i sit down to blog.
i can never remember how much information i offered the last time i wrote.
perhaps the solution to this problem is to blog more frequently.

tx is rapidly approaching which means i will be busy. i have to run sound for auditions tonight from 6 till whenever sac decides to release me from their torturous grip.
there is a strong chance tba and ojk will be playing a dordt show this weekend. if you read this and are not involved in either of those bands i urge you to come and revel in good music. dordt has several extremely talented bands, but for some reason it is impossible to get people to come out and enjoy it.

friday night jeremiah and i went to see as i lay dying, august burns red, and evergreen terrace play a heavy metal show. great success! heavy shows rule so so much. regardless of what musical styling you prefer (unless you trace every musical style back to bob dylan) should go to at least one hardcore show before death. august burns red is currently blasting through my speakers and i am loving it. they put on one the most intense sets i have ever seen in my life.

for my discernment for ministry class we had to work on a "worship practice". i decided as my worship practice that i would simply sit down and play guitar. i frequently dink around on the guitar while i'm checking my email and such things, but i don't really take the time to enjoy it. i have found a time in the day when all the roomates are gone and it proves to be very relaxing.

this is where you come in, i know that i can count on you to walk me through

i just got back from the american college theatre festival.
what a fantastic time.
i saw a bunch of shows a bunch of good actors and left remembering why i love theatre and feeling inadequate as an actor.
hanging out was also delightful.
there were a few times where every time anyone around me opened their mouth comedic gold spewed forth. i love it when people are funny.
missing a week of schooling does have it's downfalls.
currently i am attempting to play catch up, but thus far it is not successful.
i really want to play a rock show with ojk and tba.
for some reason neither band has been blessed with the opportunity to rock in front of people.
i realized while on the trip that getting shocked might make me more angry than anything else in this world.
whenever i get shocked for 1/4 of a second i think i am angry enough to kill a something. this passes very quickly and i get back to normal in no time but for that brief moment i get so so angry.
it was a great revelation.
here is the lesson in this. never electrocute me because i might hurt something.

alone i can barely light a match but together we can burn this place down

this is my first post of the new year.
if i could sum up my break in one word it would probably be lazy.
my days have basically consisted of sleeping playing guitar and getting our old home movies transfered to dvd.
that's right i have been occasionally watching some classic home movies. they are pretty entertaining. i decided while watching these home movies that i was pretty dumb as a kid. i think pretty much up until high school i was pretty awkward.
i have been working on playing solos on guitar.
i wrote a few new acoustic songs that will probably never be heard by anyone.
my fingers are starting to move a little faster but i am still not terribly skilled.
i don't make new years resolutions.
i forget them immediately after i say them.
ok i just thought of a resolution: do things that are good to do.
that is something to shoot for.
i am listening to a band called for year strong. if you are reading this and have agreed with me on other musical choices go and listen to this band without hesitation. don't finish reading this, go listen to four year strong.


what did you think? did you like them? i fell in love the second the first note of heroes get remembered, legends never die.
i go back home tomorrow and i don't really want to.
i will have play rehearsals and those should be fun because i like everyone in the cast of the play. also for some reason being at dordt during breaks is very relaxing to me.