will you be there to carry home the remains of my waisted youth.

i don't want to blow my chance of finding a good mate in my time here at dordt.

future concerns part 2...

it all started the other day. it really didn't i just thought that it would be more interesting.
i have been worried lately about my future wife (if she exists and i pray to God that she does).
when i leave dordt, odds are i am going to need someone to depend on. assuming that i become a youth minister, there is no way i will be able to go about that alone.
i have this weird impression that some girl will catch my eye and i will catch hers and we will be as good as married.
that thought is pretty dumb. i am afraid that the one i will let the one slip away because i am so dang passive. i always assume that another girl that catches my eye will come around. that is becoming less and less likely. perhaps i should grow up and get some confidence.
sorry to go all high school on you.

i participated in the 48 hour film challenge. me and many others have created an 8 minute musical comedy that i am pretty proud of given the time constraints. as of now i will not give the plot away but i am sure it will make it onto the internet eventually.

nobody ever had a dream round here, but i don't really mind and its starting to get to me.

it seems the current trend in my ring of blogging friends is to be scared about the future.
i considered a title like "the future freaks me out" however comma i don't feel like this would actually express what i am feeling.
i am scared about becoming a youth minister again. i feel called by God to continue down this path and I honestly don't know where it is leading. i am going to be a spiritual advisor to people who are just starting to gain some sort of understanding about this fiat.
this has caused a panic.
i am not in any way prepared to start ministering to youth. i feel more prepared than before i guess. a year or so ago my parents wanted me to speak at awana's. i refused because that was a time of intense struggle for me. i was completely doubting everything religous and losing hope in the church. i have moved past this but have realized that this struggle won't end and that it can be a good thing. that being said i still don't feel prepared to start ministering to youth.
i am afraid of cliches. i have been thinking about a "personal relationship with Jesus". what does that mean? to me it just seems like some happy phrase that we throw around to remind us that we are Christians.
i don't want to preach these kinds of things to youth. i want to make Christianity relevant to them and help them see that Christians are different but not in the way that everyone thinks.
to bring this thought around full circle, i am afraid that i am not prepared for this path that God has set before me and it is starting to get to me.
if i were to look at the list of things i want to do before i die a lot of them involve band things. be that with the benedict affair or ojk. (for those who are out of the loop, i have made the decision to move to the benedict affair but not leave ojk. it seems like ojk is on its last legs, members are talking about leaving and it saddens me greatly but i am not going to let myself get held back once ojk ends. thus i am joining the benedict affair and will play with ojk happily till it breathes its last. that is the simple version of what is happening).

long story short i hope i grow up to be awesome.

come down heaven...

ojk played two shows this weekend.
friday was a dordt show and it was very good.
saturday we played in orange city. paul could not come. we still played and i sang all the songs. we crazied things up, phil sang a little walhof screamed. it proved to be ineteresting.
this a picture of me trying to sing paul's vocal parts. he has some pipes and it took pretty much every part of my vocal chords to sing as forcefully as he does


i just got my car back from my parents.
yay.
dad has a nice car and i was tired of worrying about it

so i was thinking on my drive home about love and stuff. not getting married and stuff love, but just love in general. what started me thinking was the love that my family showed by simply fixing up my car and taking care of everything for me. i was so overwhelmed by this act of kindness that i could not help but cry. now i'm not trying to go all emo and stuff on you but i started thinking about how overwhelming love as an act can be. the phrase God is love took on a whole new meaning to me. God created love to be one of the greatest things to give and recieve. i think God is so excited about love that he cannot help but be a part of it. every single act done out of love, God is involved. to me the phrase God is love not only means that he loves us a whole bunch, it also means that when someone shows you love to you and you show love to them God is present. this thought to me is completely overwhelming. i'm going to write a song about it because i write songs when i experience something that is overwhelming. if i put it to song it can live on in my mind even longer.

other than that life has been pretty normal.
i really enjoy my classe.

i am in the play this semester and that will prove to be a great deal of work.

have a nice day my little blogglings.